Jennifer Ott
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Beauty in Love

1/26/2015

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Beauty in love is a completely different concept that I find often goes overlooked. Don’t you find it curious that the most physical beautiful people can bring about ugliness in love but people who aren’t as physically attractive can bring out such immense beauty? It is here where you find true love.

I have seen pictures of some of the most beautiful couples and to be quite frank; they look miserable. Sometimes they even loose a bit of their appeal. Their smile may not be as big or they are lacking something in their expression. Love is not measured by one’s attractiveness. You can be one of the most beautiful people on the planet but your love and your relationship can bring out the absolute worst in you. You can look in the mirror and see nothing but pain, anguish and hardship caused by your love. No matter how beautiful you are, you are not free from jealousy and anger. These love relationships can make beautiful people unattractive.

Have you ever seen a couple in which their eyes light up in the sight of one another? Their smiles are so big and genuine you can almost feel the love between them. Although they may not be beautiful by society standards, the love in their heart shines so brightly you cannot help but see them as beautiful. Doesn’t everyone deserve a love to make them look and feel beautiful regardless of their physical appearance? Is love just skin deep, or does the beauty of love shine from a much deeper place?

They answer to this question however is not in the mirror or in pictures but in the feelings felt in the heart. The beauty of true love shines through the eyes of your lover and it can shine for every single one of us.

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Dating - How to Make a Wager

1/19/2015

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The word wager means to risk something on an uncertain event. Although in dating we are not wagering money (well, perhaps sometimes),  deciding to date someone is always a risk. We are wagering this person may pay off as a lover or even potential spouse. Asking someone for a date is not just uncertain, it can be scary has hell. How do you make the wager? When is it worth taking a risk? And how much effort do you make to win love? These are only a few questions we ask ourselves. First you need to understand that situation at hand.

  1. Is the person of your fancy available? If a person is interested but already in a relationship, getting involved is a risky bet. Even if a person breaks off the relationship to be with you, beware; their agenda may be rebound. Often times, people are looking for excuses to leave relationships. Be careful you do not become an “excuse.” Do not bet too much on this situation. You may lose big.
  2. Are they interested? Before planning the date of your dream, make sure their interest equals yours. If you’re unsure of a person’s interest, try a simple wager of lunch, or meeting for a few drinks. If you pull out the stops for someone whose interest is moderate, you may scare them away. Play this situation casual.
  3. Are they too eager? You are interested in getting to know someone, but their interest seems to be more engaged. A good wager would be conversation over coffee. Your wager should be low as to not increase the other’s expectations.
  4. Do your interest levels match? This would be a good opportunity to for a big wager – the big romantic gesture. Go for it! Even if this date doesn’t result in marital bliss, it is always good to have fond memories of dating. It will give you a much better outlook when the next opportunity arises.
The one thing to remember, love and dating is not an all or nothing event. It is all about experiencing other people to find the one. Never underestimate the importance of a good conversation over coffee, or laughter over a few drinks. What is gained from any experience is invaluable.

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Dating - Knowing When to Pass

1/14/2015

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“You got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em.
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money, when you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin', when the dealin's done.”
~ Kenny Rodgers
Ironically, a song about gambling has so much truth for dating, love and relationships. You have to know when a relationship is working. You have to have the strength and courage to walk away when it’s not. And most importantly, you never anticipate a relationship until both parties are in it.

Like a gambler desperate for a win, many people approach dating and relationships the same way. We continually place bets on love until we find the one that proves to be a winner. And like a gambler, too often we walk away disappointed and heart-broke.

The reason why so many people get tired of the dating scene is they are trying too hard to find a mate – dating everyone available person. No wonder so many people get deflated and give up. A successful gambler doesn’t bet on every race, but on ones he/she thinks they might have a chance of winning. And this is where a little bit of selectivity comes into play with dating.

  1. If you have fallen in love with someone who is slow to make a commitment, or does not satisfy your wants and needs – walk away. If you’re not fully satisfied, no matter how great the person this relationship is not for you. There will be someone else better suited for you.
  2. If you have fallen in love with a rock star on tour and you’ve spent a few wild passionate nights, it is unlikely this relationship will go anywhere. Relish the experience and then fold’em.
  3. If you discover the man you are dating is already involved, or married – run.
  4. If you meet the man of your dreams, do not imagine your wedding on your first date. There are more losses and heartbreak over high expectations than any other dating misfortune. I would suggest waiting to imagine your wedding when he pops the question, then the deal is done.
The desire for love and relationships can be so great, we will accept something that doesn’t really work – and then we have to work hard to keep it.  And remember with every failed relationship, this is a better one on the horizon.

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What's You Dating Style

1/11/2015

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Even if you find a date that matches all your desired qualities and characteristics you could find disappointment if dating styles aren’t a match. There are several different types of dating styles – Passionate starts, Steady as you go, Slow move-makers, and Serial Daters.

1. Passionate starts – Jumping into passionate relationships before truly getting to know someone feels good and thrilling. Yes, you think you found the one – your soul mate. When the passion begins to fizzle you find you’re not really all that interested, or their not interested in you. Although a few lucky ones found success, passion is only one quality that characterizes a winning relationship.

2. Steady as your go – Getting to know each other, before jumping into a relationship is always suggested, especially if you want something real. Taking your time in a relationship lets the other person know they are worth the time and the effort.

3. Slow move-makers – Getting to know each other is fine, but if you don’t make move soon you’re relegated to “friend” status. If you’re looking for passion in relationships, learn the skills to make it happen. But if you are more comfortable with platonic type relationships, you may seek to find someone who is a similar match.

4. Serial Daters – Some people (men and women) like to date. We may come across that great person that we want a relationship. These people do not want relationships and no matter how good we are, how good we are to them – we will not change their ways.

Before even considering going on a date, you have to know your dating style and what makes you comfortable. If you’re a serial dater, you’re not going to find success with someone who is a steady as you go type. And no doubt, those like passionate start will find great frustration with a slow move-maker. And remember you can’t change people; you can only change your reaction to them.

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    Jennifer Ott is the author of Wild Horses and the dating book, "Love & Handicapping".

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