Jennifer Ott
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Life on the Roundabout

5/6/2018

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Part of my meditation practice in the morning is to pull a divination card to provide a wise anecdote to ponder over. On one such morning I received the “round and round” card. Great, I get to meditate on my life going around in circles. Immediately I got the message. “What are the things in my life I keep doing that hinder my progress as a human being and my own happiness?”

I have spent the majority of my life in a career that doesn’t inspire me, or as some may say, “serve my soul.” In fact, at times it makes my heart ache.  I suffer anxiety, paranoia and depression. Which begs further questions, why do I say in a career that is emotionally and psychologically damaging? Good question. And the answer is an easy one – fear.

Like many people, I am afraid of the unknown. I am afraid of failure, and more so I am afraid of how failure would appear to my self-image. What will people think of me if I fail? I admit. I fear my own self-image and judgments of others more than my own happiness.

Few people like falling on their face especially in front of others, although I have literally done that several times.  I am clumsy like that. But ironically, it is easier to pick yourself and move forward with a bloody face, than a broken heart and bruised ego.

So here I am, with so many others on this crowded roundabout of life wondering where the f*ck is my exit. How do I get off and more so, which exit do I take? With so much uncertainty in life, do we dare take the risk, or continue to wallow in the comfort of mediocrity?

Here is where I suggest we begin. Instead of hugging the interior of the roundabout, get to the outer lanes. We may still be going around in circles, but at least we are giving ourselves a better perspective of other avenues. We get to see the opportunities which lay ahead. Not all exits will be our path, but they will open our minds to possibilities we never considered.

Next, get off the roundabout. Check out an exit, regardless if it will be our final destination. What if the route we choose is fraught with peril. Again, answer simple. Turn around and go back. Here’s the deal, we can always get back into the roundabout. We can always continue to circle until something better comes up, but we’re never going to know what’s out there for us if we don’t get out of it from time to time.
And while we continue to the circle the normal routines of our lives, invest in new hobbies and invite in new friends. These small and simple changes in our lives is what sparks the big changes and brings our close to our goals.

It is guaranteed there will come a time when we exit off the roundabout for good and continue down the journey of our dreams, but just remember, even then a new roundabout is on the horizon. It’s not that we are circling and spiraling, it’s that we’re expanding down different avenues.

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