It seems to be my fate. I meet an attractive man. My heart swells and my knees weaken and I’m in love, and then I’m soon to learn he is unavailable or worse, isn’t that into me. One thing I know for sure, I am not alone. Many of us have been crushed by the crush.
Throughout my life, the crushes have been numerous and when left unfulfilled, I came crashing down. It felt crushed. This has happened so many times that for many years I have given up on love. Screw that love shit. If I can’t have the one I love, then I will have no one.
How is it possible to trust my heart and when she has been inevitably wrong most of the time? How can I continue to feel when I will end up rejected and disappointed?
And then damned Cupid pointed an arrow at me once again. He shot me right in the heart as I was greeted by sparkling blue eyes, a wide smile and a friendly hello. Darn it! I was a goner. Here I go again, falling into the miserable abyss of the crush. Darn it heart, what the heck? Why heart, are you so intent on torturing me?
The butterflies in my chest carried me away to thoughts of love, a potential new romance, a wedding on the beach in Maui, a new house, two car garage and his and her towels. Yes, a simple hello can take a person from “nice to meet you,” to “I do” in several seconds. Funny how attraction works.
This is where the problem lies. The heart and albeit our passions know what they want and they desperately try to convince the brain despite not having a clue as to what they may be walking into. We may not know if our crushes are available - physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. Our hearts and lusts are not aware of any dark baggage our crush may be carrying. For all we know, the object of our desire can be a psycho-killer sociopath, but darn it, those sparkling eyes and friendly smiles. Who cares? Our hearts demand gratification. I want love and affection and I want it now!
However, in regards to my current crush, once my initial flutters subsided and weakened knees strengthen my mind was able to get control of my body. My mind not only squashed my hope, it reminded me of my past failures of love and my lack of self-worth.
“Romance,” my mind said, “You’re not attractive enough for passionate romance. This person is way out of your league. What makes you think they will want you? Marriage? That’s a laugh. Do you think you’re deserving of this stud?” I sulk away to hide from my mind’s callous criticism.
Yeah, my mind is cruel like that. I was officially crushed again and not by any form of rejection from another person, but from my own mind. I developed this habit of kicking my heart to the curb before even allowing myself the time to enjoy the sensation of love.
If only my desires would be requited, but they’re not. I decided this time around to not only get a hold of my heart, but that haranguing brain of mine. I have to contain my thoughts in order for my heart not to fall into despair.
First, understanding many times the object of our desire doesn’t know how we feel about them. Personally, I am not one to go around and tell all my crushes of my attraction for them. So how can I feel rejected by someone who doesn’t know my feelings? I can’t. Although, stumbling over my sentences, tripping over my feet and my general awkwardness may be a clue. I own my feelings so there is no need to project my feelings of rejection onto another.
After meditation and allowing my mind to meander, I discovered unconditional love when it comes to my crushes. I have decided to love regardless of requited, or not. And no, this doesn’t mean stalking. I don’t know where my crushes live. I don’t follow them home and sit outside their houses. I don’t even follow them on social media. My crushes I keep close to my heart but free them of expectation.
This can be a novel idea for many in a society which often demands returns on our investments. If we love, the other must love us back and if not, why bother loving? To give and expect nothing in return can be a foreign notion, especially with love.
There is no limit to love. It’s a renewable energy and it’s free. With a resource that is so abundant, why wouldn’t we use it more. In fact, the more we love, the more love comes back to us. So why not give it away freely, especially to our crushes? As the saying goes, “If we love something set it free. If it comes back, it’s ours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”
This simple idea keeps us from being crushed and keeps us in a place of love. It’s okay to be attracted to attractive people. It’s okay to feel affection for someone we may never have an intimate relationship. Relish in those wonderful fluttering sensations in our chest and the weakening of our knees. Stumble over sentences and by all means be f*cking awkward. The most important thing is we continue to love, because one special day our crush will have a crush on us and that will be spectacular.
Throughout my life, the crushes have been numerous and when left unfulfilled, I came crashing down. It felt crushed. This has happened so many times that for many years I have given up on love. Screw that love shit. If I can’t have the one I love, then I will have no one.
How is it possible to trust my heart and when she has been inevitably wrong most of the time? How can I continue to feel when I will end up rejected and disappointed?
And then damned Cupid pointed an arrow at me once again. He shot me right in the heart as I was greeted by sparkling blue eyes, a wide smile and a friendly hello. Darn it! I was a goner. Here I go again, falling into the miserable abyss of the crush. Darn it heart, what the heck? Why heart, are you so intent on torturing me?
The butterflies in my chest carried me away to thoughts of love, a potential new romance, a wedding on the beach in Maui, a new house, two car garage and his and her towels. Yes, a simple hello can take a person from “nice to meet you,” to “I do” in several seconds. Funny how attraction works.
This is where the problem lies. The heart and albeit our passions know what they want and they desperately try to convince the brain despite not having a clue as to what they may be walking into. We may not know if our crushes are available - physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. Our hearts and lusts are not aware of any dark baggage our crush may be carrying. For all we know, the object of our desire can be a psycho-killer sociopath, but darn it, those sparkling eyes and friendly smiles. Who cares? Our hearts demand gratification. I want love and affection and I want it now!
However, in regards to my current crush, once my initial flutters subsided and weakened knees strengthen my mind was able to get control of my body. My mind not only squashed my hope, it reminded me of my past failures of love and my lack of self-worth.
“Romance,” my mind said, “You’re not attractive enough for passionate romance. This person is way out of your league. What makes you think they will want you? Marriage? That’s a laugh. Do you think you’re deserving of this stud?” I sulk away to hide from my mind’s callous criticism.
Yeah, my mind is cruel like that. I was officially crushed again and not by any form of rejection from another person, but from my own mind. I developed this habit of kicking my heart to the curb before even allowing myself the time to enjoy the sensation of love.
If only my desires would be requited, but they’re not. I decided this time around to not only get a hold of my heart, but that haranguing brain of mine. I have to contain my thoughts in order for my heart not to fall into despair.
First, understanding many times the object of our desire doesn’t know how we feel about them. Personally, I am not one to go around and tell all my crushes of my attraction for them. So how can I feel rejected by someone who doesn’t know my feelings? I can’t. Although, stumbling over my sentences, tripping over my feet and my general awkwardness may be a clue. I own my feelings so there is no need to project my feelings of rejection onto another.
After meditation and allowing my mind to meander, I discovered unconditional love when it comes to my crushes. I have decided to love regardless of requited, or not. And no, this doesn’t mean stalking. I don’t know where my crushes live. I don’t follow them home and sit outside their houses. I don’t even follow them on social media. My crushes I keep close to my heart but free them of expectation.
This can be a novel idea for many in a society which often demands returns on our investments. If we love, the other must love us back and if not, why bother loving? To give and expect nothing in return can be a foreign notion, especially with love.
There is no limit to love. It’s a renewable energy and it’s free. With a resource that is so abundant, why wouldn’t we use it more. In fact, the more we love, the more love comes back to us. So why not give it away freely, especially to our crushes? As the saying goes, “If we love something set it free. If it comes back, it’s ours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”
This simple idea keeps us from being crushed and keeps us in a place of love. It’s okay to be attracted to attractive people. It’s okay to feel affection for someone we may never have an intimate relationship. Relish in those wonderful fluttering sensations in our chest and the weakening of our knees. Stumble over sentences and by all means be f*cking awkward. The most important thing is we continue to love, because one special day our crush will have a crush on us and that will be spectacular.
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