This past week we celebrated Selfie Day. Normally, I align myself with Lakota leader, Crazy Horse, who was rumored to have refused to be photographed, because he believed the camera would steal his soul. Sometimes I have to wonder, does it? How much do we get caught up in our physical appearance though selfies and much adored photographs that we lose sight of our inner beauties? What happens when our physical appearance is more important than showing our soul?

Not being comfortable in front of the camera and lack of understanding for the selfie, I decided to post one.  It was, of course, Selfie Day, and of course my selfie was less than glorious. I haven’t perfected the perfect pose. Which way am I supposed to tilt my head? Do I look directly at the lens or give a dreamy look off to the distance? Do I pucker duck lips, giving the world a seductive kiss? Gosh, all these considerations I have to contend, so I just snapped a photo of me in the moment. It wasn’t all that pretty.

I was not at all surprised when I received the well-meaning comment, “Smile. You are beautiful inside and out.”

Let me explain something here. When someone tells me to smile, it awakens my dormant Viking DNA and I feel like flaying open someone’s rib cage and spilling out their guts all over the ground. What makes Vikings smile? Smashing people’s faces, but I digress. I am not really a violent person, I am just not fond of smiling.

It seems as such an insignificant comment…telling one to smile, however, it comes with an undercurrent of assumptions. We’re sad, or angry. We don’t consider ourselves attractive. And as much as I find the “resting bitch face,” philosophy hilarious, it also can ring derogatory. Just because someone isn’t smiling, by no means indicates they are a bitch. Often, those with the “resting bitch face” are happier and nicer than those who put on a smile. Just saying.

So, I gave the smile more thought. Personally, I have never a been a big on smiling. I’m a grinner. My smirk tells a person all they need to know, or maybe guess and perhaps that’s the issue. Many people don’t like guessing other’s emotional status. While I am uncomfortable smiling, others may be uncomfortable with a person who grins without a true display of emotion. In any case, I will continue to be a mystery.
However, here’s the thing with smiling.  As a lazy Libra, it takes facial muscles to smile. Shoot, I don’t want to exert that much energy, so please accept my grin as an example of my contentment and inner beauty, damn it.

As for beauty, a smile is not the end-all-to-be-all of beauty. If one can see my inner beauty, why is it so important I smile?

Here’s the thing with beauty. It is not just our lightness, it is also our darkness. We can radiate beautiful sunshine, and be a beautiful dark, hot mess.  We can evoke passion in our melancholy and excitement in our rage. This is what makes us beautiful, not adhering to a society standard of smiling. Heck, even Mona Lisa wasn’t smiling. Da Vinci painted her with a smirk and she is considered one of the most beautiful and mysterious women of all time. 

But worse are the emotional assumptions, when asked why we aren’t smiling. None of us owe another an explanation of our feelings. We have a right to feel what we chose to at the moment. If we are sad, we should be free to show it. If we are angry, let out a shout. When we are curious and amused, let that grin rip and when we are gloriously happy our true smiles cannot be outshined.

Instead of encouraging people to smile and put on a bright face, wouldn’t it be awesome if we encourage people to be real.  We don’t always have to be happy and we don’t always have to show it.  We, as humans have a wide array of emotions in which to express. Why does society dictate we have to smile in order to be valued and appreciated? Can’t we be appreciated when we are down, angry, or even just chilled out.

Last night, I was perusing the reviews of the movie, “Red Shadow.” As a writer, I had a mild critical assessment. I didn’t think the screenwriters did an adequate job leading up to the finale. Yes, the movie had a surprise ending, but when a writer has to retrace the plot to show you how the character got to the ending that is a sign of a failure to tell the story. I was disappointed and turned it off before it got to the final scene. An ending never should be justified by a montage.

That being said, my critical review didn’t match the others. Mostly many were offended by the sexuality and brutality of the film. Sigh. People, it’s a movie about a Russian female spy who uses her sexuality to ensnare men. It was an extremely well-acted film.  In that case, the cast did their job to thrust the viewer into uneasiness and at times queasiness.

This got me thinking about the sensitivities of viewers and readers. Should writers, filmmakers and actors hold back from the provocative to placate the sensitivities of others? Absolutely no. Non. Nada. Nyet.
I received a negative review for my book Time of Useful Consciousness because my characters cursed. The characters were German survivors of WWII. They had every right to curse. Damn it. They survived a f*cking world war. I’d be cursing too if my town was leveled to rubble.

There is a segment of the population who requires clean reading and viewing – no sexuality, no nudity, no profanity and violence. All I can say is f*ck them and here’s why.

As a writer, a filmmaker, an actor/actress, we are tied to the characters we create and these characters often find themselves in extremely dramatic, if not traumatic situations. They do things and say things we wouldn’t dare in our everyday lives. These characters’ purpose is to take us out of our comfort zones to understand and empathize with their plight.  In fact, if we are over-sensitive to certain situations and subjects, then indeed it is a sign we should watch it. Movies and books are meant to push us into uncomfortable places for our own good, no matter how unpleasant.

Jennifer Lawrence’s performance as a Russian spy was provocative and she pushed the limits of her craft to get into character. The problem is, her fans watched the movie to see her, not her character. My characters in Time of Useful Consciousness swore because it sucked to be a survivor of a cataclysmic war that killed millions and decimated their cities. “My parents are dead and my house is ruined. Shoot. Gosh darn it,” Well, that’s just not realistic.  I curse over a lot less.

Art and literature do not just mirror reality, they often magnify it to make dramatic points. Artisans of all kinds are tasked to confront difficult subjects. If readers and viewers are not interested in facing drama, then there are lighter artistic fares to entertain. This is the choice we all must make.

Let’s face it, there is a lot of shit (for lack of better word) going down these days, which has many people on edge. Everyone has an opinion and a perspective, and of all people who should be voicing their point of views are writers.

Earlier this morning, a writer stated a political opinion. Shocking! I know!

He was criticized by another author who believes writers should not speak out about politics, or let’s just say, have an opinion that others will not agree. It was this man’s belief writers need to be impartial and unbiased, because we may upset fans or readers. Ooh, we wouldn’t want readers to know authors have societal points of view.

Another author stated authors who promote opinions online are at risk at not making money, because you know writers are supposed people pleasers out to make a buck. That is indeed the case for some writers, but not all. Some writers write because we have definite world view.

I apologize for my sarcasm. I feel passionately writers should have opinions. My favorite authors inspired my writing and political activism – John Steinbeck, Kurt Vonnegut and Milan Kundera. It has always been my contention as a writer, if I don’t have a point of view I shouldn’t write. In fact, the quote I always carry with me is as below:

“Unless I have something of my own to say, and a way of my own to say it in, I have no business to publish; unless I can look beyond the greatest Masters, and study Nature herself, I have no right to paint; unless I can have the courage to use the language of Truth in preference to the jargon of Conventionality, I ought to be silent.”

~ Charlotte Bronte

This is my creed.  This is what I stand by as a person, a writer and as a creator.

However, I understand in today’s social media blitz we desperately desire followers and positive reviews of our work. If our point of view rubs people the wrong way we could find ourselves with negative results and the loss of fans, not to mention to lose money. But let me ask you fellow writers and artists, is it better to write our truth and stand by our words, or is it fall into the well of the masses and our words and creations between watered down. Who are we then? Why would we write?

Dear fellow writers, we have a duty to the world to offer our words of truth and solace. We have such great untapped and unrealized power in which we can change the world, as many writers in the past made an impact in society.

Writers wield power in chaotic times. We have the words to move the population. We are conceptual thinkers who interpret facts and see past biases and propaganda. We know how to characterize and create plot lines out of the mundane. This is our gift to the world we live in today.

So, when someone says, we writers should keep our opinions to ourselves, that is the voice of someone who lacks courage and conviction for the power they hold. While there are many writers currently, rewriting truths to slant toward biases, we need more writers projecting and delivering the unwavering truth for humanity.   

As I once again try to dip my toes into the dating pond hoping to catch a few fish, I can’t help but envy the birds. Fish flow; birds soar. My biggest fear in dating is to settle into relationship where my growth becomes stagnant. I’ve flown this course before and smashed into a window. I fell to the ground, my wings torn and broken. It took a long time for me to learn to fly again.

I don’t blame my partner.  I don’t even blame myself. When it comes to love and relationships there is never any blame, only increased self-awareness. My partner was very happy flowing along without a care or worry and I felt as though I was tethered to a string. I had to break free for my own survival, regardless of how much it hurt us both.

Looking at the sea of potential prospects, it’s not that there are not bountiful fish with beautifully colored scales; it’s just that it took me a long time to realize I’m not interested in streaming merrily along. I am interested in an eagle, or a crow or even a cute little finch…Jonathan Livingston Seagull, can you hear me?

A lot of relationship advice experts may suggest I have issues with commitment. There is something wrong with me because I cannot settle down. I have come to realize this is not the case. I have great commitment, but the commitment starts with myself. I am committed to me, my dreams and my desires.  I am very much open to being committed to another person’s journey, but this has to be a mutual endeavor. 

We can soar solo, we can have someone flying in our shadow, but the best is when we have someone to fly alongside and not with someone who will clip our wings. Before we enter into a relationship, we have to understand within ourselves if we want fly or flow.

One of the most over-looked factors of love which breaks the most hearts is this idea of growth, when one partner wishes to flow and another wants to soar. We can love another with all our heart, but if we’re not in the same atmosphere we can’t flourish. Sure, there are flying fish and diving, swimming birds, but that is not their natural existence. Both perish outside their natural habitat.

Self-awareness, love, fairness and courage are the keys to assessing growth in a relationship. Do we sacrifice our own growth for the sake of a love relationship if our lover is not on our path? This is the most painful process many of us can cope, when we realize the love of our life isn’t our future, isn’t what’s good for us and our soul purpose. What then must we do?

However, this is not an end game. Love never has to end, it just expands. Love may expand beyond our relationships and this new frontier many want to explore, while others may just want to stay home. When faced with this situation, the best thing to realize is love is not finite. There is an unlimited supply, it may not look, taste or feel the same.

The one thing to understand about growth is it often about taking risks, pushing boundaries, jumping of cliffs.  Pick a cliché that fits. What we are essentially doing is breaking attachments to things, ideas and even people. To grow means we cannot hold onto anything or anyone no matter how much love exists.

In all the rules of love and handicapping nothing can be quite as dangerous as not playing one’s cards on the table. It is easy to calculate the potential and risks of a new love when dealing with all the factors, but when important information is withheld everyone loses.
 
I would be hard pressed to call someone who doesn't play their cards on the table a cheater. No, I'm more likely to consider them losers. You can't be a winner at any game without giving it your all - to anyone. We have all witnessed champion athletes give it their all, regardless of conditions and/or injury. And when you hold back, the only person you are cheating is yourself.
 
Why would someone hold back and not play their cards openly and honestly? The answer is very simple - fear. It is fear of the outcome that would deride them from a comfortable path - a path well worn. As humans we can fear many things in life - sickness, debt, loss and death. The greatest fear many never overcome is love. Our fear of love is so simple yet we all complicate to such extremes - heartache, responsibilities, and loyalties to others and just flat our resignation to a certain fate.
 
Another possibility would be playing the game without any serious attempt at winning. You know all those mindless dating games we play. It’s called testing the waters. Why give it your all when you don’t know the conditions – cold, lukewarm or hot, so we hold back and until we know the conditions are clear. Some may find this hesitance prudent; I find it cowardice for we will never know the truth of love if not played fairly.
 
To love and to love fully is not to be afraid of its direction - how it may twist and turn us.  To love is to embrace it at every turn. Only we when have the courage and confidence to play our hand openly on the table do we have the chance of reaping love's greatest rewards.

As the saying goes, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. We are here to experience pain, anger, frustration, disappointment just as much as we are here to experience love, joy and bliss.  Sure, we all love walking on clouds, dreaming of rainbows and petting kittens, but that is not our reality.  Those clouds burst into rain showers, rainbows fade and kittens can bite…hard. Ouch.

As we spiritual beings explore our human nature we can scream out loud when we’re angry, flip off someone who cuts us off in traffic and punch our pillow. It’s all okay. Life happens. We are indeed human.

What I found curious is when a well-minded person posted the below joke spiritual meme, there were the few seriously spiritual folk who took offense.

“The woman in the photo is really not grounded. Her chakras are not aligned.”

Sigh. Now, I will leave explaining satire for another post, but here’s the point. No matter how many times we meditate during the day, no matter how aligned our chakras are, we will FEEL how this woman looks in the photo. As spiritual beings having this human experience, we will feel angry and disgusted. And being angry isn’t a bad thing. It is an emotional experience to learn and grow from.

A well-minded, grounded and spiritually aligned person would let out a curdling scream to release all that energy, say, “Wow, that felt good,” and gain some insight as to why they felt angry in the first place. “I hate when people cut me off in traffic. I hope they get to their destination safely.” BOOM. Spirituality restored! Back to walking on rainbows.

We can be angry, even have an angry reaction and then…poof…it’s gone. Being spiritual doesn’t mean we can’t feel negative emotions, or have no reactions, it means we have greater insight and awareness surrounding the experience.

So, don’t sweat the spiritual shit so much that we deny ourselves this blessed human experience.

NAMSTE BAD ASSES!

It happens to the best authors and even to the masters. Our masterpieces will not be loved and adored by everyone, and of course, there will be the naysayers and the critics who will simply trash everything because they can. Today’s social media blitzkrieg leaves barren open land for raging review marauders of the best fiction.  

For an author who has received my share of good and bad reviews, I am becoming an expert at deciphering them. I am also aware of the credible critic versus the occasional troll. I can detect an objective critique and subjective criticism.  Getting to this place was a road paved with heartache and pain. My poor babies being thrashed. And it’s hard not to take it as a swipe to our ego, leaving us in a well of self-doubt.

However, when we look to the masters to improve our literary craft, we can learn from the masters on how to perceive negative reviews.

My author hero John Steinbeck predicted his masterpiece East of Eden would be trashed by critics and the masses. (It actually wasn’t. It was critically and commercially acclaimed). He wrote to his editor prior to its publication:

 You know as well as I do that this book is going to catch the same kind of hell that all the others did and for the same reasons. It will not be what anyone expects and so the expecters will not like it.
~John Steinbeck

 Ahhhhhhh, I relinquish a heavy sigh. The “expecters.” This is what most of us authors face. It’s not what readers expect when reading a book. We are not being reviewed for the quality of our writing, but for disappointing the expectations of readers. Reviews (positive and negative) are often not about the writer and their talent, but about the reader and reviewer.

When a reader purchases one of our books they are expecting to go on a journey and they may not like where we take them. We may evoke emotions they didn’t expect to feel – frustration, disgust, fear, angst, annoyance, love, passion, joy etc. It is these unexpected emotions that may prompt negative reviews. The reader didn’t expect to be disgusted or angered by what we wrote, so they may give us a negative review.  

“As for literary criticism in general: I have long felt that any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel or a play or a poem is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae or a banana split.”
~ Kurt Vonnegut

Don’t get me wrong. Good, qualified reviewers can be a writer’s best friend. As writers, we need to learn to take criticism especially when offered positively. This is a tool for learning and improving our craft. Also, a good reviewer will highlight flaws in our books authors may already know exists. Damn them! By in large, a qualified reviewer can steer authors onto the straight and narrow path to writing better books.

I have a few book reviewers I always seek to a review a new release not because they give me stellar 5-star reviews, but because their insight to my work is stellar. I love and cherish the feedback they provide (positive and negative).

While most authors today are searching desperately for commercial success and pleasing everyone, there still exists writers who want to push the limits of their craft, their ideas and characters. And in some cases, it is about pushing uncomfortable buttons in readers. Twisting readers into uncomfortable places is an author’s guilty pleasure and we shouldn’t be ashamed of the emotions we evoke.  

I had to laugh. I immediately thought of the Peanuts character Lucy selling psychological advice. Me, I can sell sarcasm. My prices would vary dependent upon light-hearted irony to over-the-top
exaggerations. Heavy sighs and eye rolls will cost extra.

Those of us whose default response is sarcasm jumped all over the quote. Why, of course? Isn’t it obvious? Aren’t we all who thrive on sarcasm  geniuses? Echo evil laughter and I am indeed scratching my invisible beard.

But of course, there are the naysayers. Those who see sarcasm as crass and ill-mannered. How is it possible those who employ sarcasm be better equipped to solve problems? As one simply put it, “What problems have I solved with sarcasm?”

Challenge accepted!

Sarcasm itself doesn’t solve problems. No silly. If only we could solve world peace with a breathy sigh and a dramatic eye roll. It is how people who use sarcasm think and process their environment. How I perceived this quote is those who speak in sarcasm are coming from a place of abstract and even absurd thinking. It’s outside the norm of literal and linear thinking, and when a person has a broader sense of their situations, they are able to perceive solutions to problems plaquing them.

Communicating in exaggerations and abstracts helps the mind expand beyond the realm of analytical and fixed solutions. There is never just one way of doing things. There is never just one answer to every problem. There is multiple. If a person’s mind operates in abstracts, the tendency is they will see more solutions.

However, this is just my thoughts on the topics. Curious, I delved deeper.

 In his article in the Smithsonian, Michael Chin compares sarcasm to mental gymnastics. We’re not just processing straight-forward communication, we must think harder on what is being communicated. He writes:

Studies have shown that exposure to sarcasm enhances creative problem solving.

BOOM. Drops mic and walks off the stage.

According to the article, sarcasm exercises the brain more so than straight-forward thinking. It really is mental gymnastics. So, take that to all those accused me of double-talk and snarkiness, excuse me while I exercise my brain. And I have to admit a dose of good, old-fashioned sarcasm is an adrenaline rush as it drips through me. Aaaaaahhhhhhhh. Feels good. It’s way easier than jogging and pumping weights. And sarcasm doesn’t require you to break a sweat, although sarcasm does cause some to sweat.

While many of my fellow “sarcastics” shouldn’t be patting ourselves on the back so soon. While sarcasm is a default with many people, others, well let’s say, don’t get it. If we fail to express sincerity, we could create more conflict than intended. Sarcasm and sarcasm detection is an acquired skill. I have felt the wrath of linear-thinking innocents who took my comments sincerely, and I too have been tripped up and offended to what I thought was a serious post. Sadly, even today, when sarcasm is part of our modern lingo, it still needs to be designated - <Sarcasm>.

However, the main reason I thrive on sarcasm is it makes heavy subjects and dare I say life in general easier to comprehend. It’s hard to wrap our minds around what is happening in the world, so the ability to break it down, give it a twist and look at the absurdity of it helps digest it and helps us to deal with it. Laughter makes even the most dramatic situations easier to cope. The danger is when we stop laughing and seeing the absurdity in life. 

So, don’t be afraid to pump sarcasm into your daily life. It does a brain good.